


don’t feel, stay silent

by jojo165998



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Anal Sex (mentioned), Angst, Bottom Tony Stark, Friends With Benefits, Hurt Tony Stark, M/M, POV Tony Stark, Pining, Pining Tony Stark, Tony Stark Feels, oral sex (mentioned)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:02:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27839560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojo165998/pseuds/jojo165998
Summary: At the beginning, Tony didn’t feel anything.But then came the time he does. It was terrible.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Kudos: 25





	don’t feel, stay silent

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!  
> If you’re reading this, please let me say, this is my first fanfic.  
> So please leave comments with constructive criticisms! 
> 
> And: English isn’t my first language, so if there are any spelling or more likely grammar mistakes please forgive me.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own none of the characters.

don’t feel, stay silent  
———————————

When Steve fucked Tony into the mattress of Tony’s bed, he didn’t feel anything.

But then came the time he does. It was terrible. 

First, he wanted Steve to stay. Then he wanted Steve to kiss him like he meant it, not just in a sexual, desperately way, but in a caring, yes loving way.  
He wanted Steve to care for him. Sure, Steve cared about him, but not in the way Tony wanted him to. Steve came to his lab and asks him if he had eaten and when he slept properly the last time. Steve carried him to the couch and wrapped him in blankets after he would fall asleep over his projects.

But Tony wanted Steve to kiss him goodnight and good morning and every time after a battle and just random over the day. He wanted to snuggle into Steve during the movie nights and after the sex.  
He wanted Steve to make love to him, not just fuck both of them into obliviation.

Then it got worse. Tony didn’t even wanted Steve to fuck him anymore, because he couldn’t stand it and he had to force himself not to start to cry when Steve thrusted into him.  
But he let him, because only then he could pretend, just for a little while, Steve would really like him. That he would stay the night. That Tony would mean something to him. 

But Steve didn’t. He didn’t stay. And he didn’t say he liked Tony. Sure, he did praise Tony during sex, but he praised the fucking, or Tony´s mouth, when he sucked Steve’s cock, or how good Tony would feel.  
But when it was over, Steve would get out of bed, clean himself up, search his clothes and would leave Tony, naked and terribly vulnerable.  
And after Steve had left, Tony’s tears would break through and rinn all over his face and the crumpled bedsheets.

So it goes all the time. Tony pined, they somehow ended up fucking, even if Tony had promised himself, he would stop it before it could even start. Then Tony was holding back his tears and hoped it would go different than usually, only to let the tears flow down after Steve left. 

Because for Steve it was just sex. Just a way to release the adrenaline from the battle they fought before, or a way to forget about the stress being Captain America. 

When it started, like a year and a half ago, Tony was completely okay with everything. It was good to forget the death of victims they couldn’t have saved and everything about being a superhero. And of course Steve was very good in bed so the sex was also satisfying. But unfortunately it was too good.

Tony noticed, that he had started to look at Steve longer than necessary. Then he had begun to seek closeness to Steve, and that he felt safe and protected whenever Steve was around.

He wasn’t sure if the other Avengers had noticed but he felt like every time he shifted on the sofa during a movie to sit closer to him, or brought up an excuse to be teamed up with Steve, Natasha would give him a raised eyebrow or Bruce would look at him with a little pity in his eyes. 

Tony tried very long to ignore his upcoming feelings for his teammate. But when he had finally accepted that it wasn’t a stupid little crush, he tried very hard so nobody would see him longing and pining for Steve. 

But he just wanted, wanted, WANTED Steve to hold him in his strong arms, wanted him to give him small, soft kisses, wanted to wake up next to him and see his beautiful face glow in the sunlight.  
He wanted to see his silhouette in the moonlight when he comes up to his bedroom late in the night from his work in the lab, wanted to make him breakfast in the morning, take him out for dinner, and show the whole world that Steve was his. 

But he knows, deep in his heart, that all this would never happen, that Steve would never be his. He would never want to be Tonys.  
And Tony knows that Steve would move on. That when he had found someone nice, someone who deserved him, and he falls in love with them, he would call it off and Tony would never feel him again. 

And Tony had sworn himself that he would be happy for Steve, even if it is just on the outside. Because Steve deserved someone better than him, someone who could give him everything. Because Steve deserved the world, and if he was happy, Tony was. Even if it would break him.

He was already broken. Too broken to tell Steve that he can’t do this anymore. Can’t do anything. But Tony loves him too much. He would give up everything for him. Hell, he has given Steve everything. But not enough. 

Tony wanted to tell Steve how much he loves him.

He wanted Steve to touch him like he was his everything, to kiss him with all his love.

Tony wanted, just one time, only one time, Steve to say him that he loves him back.

But both stayed silent.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!  
> Please leave feedback!


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